The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
