I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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