pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Barsexuality is the new black.
she told me i tasted like america
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
