I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
