Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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