my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
