That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
