You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
