Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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