Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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