This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
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You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
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MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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