yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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