trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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