some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
