How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
