that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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