Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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