I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
