Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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