walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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