This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
