8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
