I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
