Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
