Ambien. No doubt about it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
