Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
