Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
