My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
