Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
