college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
