how can u be prego again
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
