dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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