What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
