I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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