Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.

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(248): View more from Michigan

i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.

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(509): View more from Washington

I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg

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(720): View more from Colorado

yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.

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(214): View more from Texas

Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night

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(623): View more from Arizona

He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.

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(219): View more from Indiana

Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???

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