We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
