..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
