You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize