I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
