hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
