My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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