i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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