DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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