dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
