Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
