At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My vagina is very pro this idea
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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