i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Still dying that you shit outside
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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