i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
