Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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