No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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