there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
