You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
