At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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