Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
