Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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