i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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