he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
