ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
