omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
