That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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