he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
