Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have feelings that need drinking.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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