I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
