that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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