I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
