I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize