Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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