if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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