Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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