I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
