just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize