Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
