Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
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today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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