Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
