He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
