covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
