i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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