You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My ass is underappreciated
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
