Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
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she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize