I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
