Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
