the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
