I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
